Homecoming
Homecoming
William T. Jeffries
Have you
ever felt resentment? I mean
righteous indignation about how you were treated or ignored about something?
Have you felt anger about something that was unjust, unworthy or mean?
Have you felt disgusted because someone got by with something that was
unjust or unfair? Have you been
angry that someone is getting credit for something but failed to include you and
others who worked to make it happen?
Have you been angry that you were not allowed to participate in some
event and the decision seemed very arbitrary?
Have you ever experienced resentment?
I remember
walking with a student at a local Elementary school, whom I had been tutoring.
The class had lined up and was moving to the lunchroom when some
scuffling broke out at the end of the line and was noticed by the teacher.
My student was accused but felt that he was not guilty.
From a combination of embarrassment in front me and the inability to
defend himself from what he felt was an unjust
accusation, big tears fell from his eyes.
I tried to reassure him after we got to the lunchroom, but he was not
able to talk. His anger blocked any
further discussion that day.
When we
feel wronged, not included or overlooked for work done
well and according to expectations, then we can have feelings of resentment.
In the
parable of the Prodigal Son or Forgiving Father, we see the feelings of
resentment displayed by the Elder son.
Maybe you and I can readily understand the Elder Son’s feelings.
After all, he was the one who stayed the course, kept the farm going,
and, was the one who showed loyalty and stability of character during this
episode with his younger brother.
So why the celebration for the one who squandered his
inheritance and has now come home penniless?
From the Elder Son’s perspective, he probably thinks that the younger son
got what he deserved. He received
the consequences of his actions. Or
what would you add?
Rembrandt
has a painting of this Homecoming scene.
The original is located at a hermitage in
I do not
know of a more volatile area of family life that is capable of producing such
strong feelings than in the area of inheritance among siblings.
I have seen families feud and refuse to talk with each other over such
issues, even when the monetary value of the item was not significant.
I have seen a family almost come to blows over the ownership of a
parent’s reclining chair.
The dilemma
for the elder son as the parable unfolds is that the celebration for the return
of his younger brother has already begun by the time that he arrives home and he
has not been consulted nor included in the planning of this event.
He feels very excluded.
He is angry for any number of reasons.
The Forgiving Father, sensing the damage that has occurred in his
relationship with the elder son, goes out, as he did with the younger son, and
tries to explain and heal the hurts.
The elder son is not in the mood to listen. Petersen translates it this
way, “The
older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in.”
He is able to express his anger and frustration quite well to his Father.
Nouwen
writes, “…one can imagine the elder son standing outside in the dark, not
wanting to enter the lighted house filled with happy noises…The elder son stands
outside the circle of this love, refusing to enter.”
For the younger son, he is outside the father’s love as well and wonders
if there will be a place for him.
He had separated himself from the Father and his house.
For the elder son, he watched the younger son depart with his inheritance
and leave him with all the work.
But now, the Father wants to put all that behind them.
He comes out to invite the elder son into the circle of the Family
Celebration. The dilemma for the
elder son is deeper than his feelings toward his younger brother.
Can he now acknowledge the sin that separates him from his father and
brother?
Nouwen suggests that ‘Joy and Resentment’ cannot coexist.
The elder son, like many before and after him, must trust the Father with
the merits of the situation and let God’s love melt his anger so that he can
rejoice at the healing of the family, which is the reason for the Celebration.
Despite the elder son’s feelings, this celebration is not about him or
the younger son, as much as it is about the family being whole again.
During the
recent snow, our 2 oldest boys told us that they were going to a friend’s house
down the street to go sledding.
After about an hour, Terri decided to check on them.
When she reached the other mom, she discovered that they were not there
nor was the other mom’s son. His
mom offered that they all went with a group sledding, but she was not sure
where. So a neighborhood search was
begun to locate this group. After
about an hour, Terri and I on foot, and the other mom in her car, we determined
that they were not in the neighborhood.
After a further car search by me, I was satisfied that they were
not in the usual adjacent areas nor in a nearby park.
As dark began to approach and anxiety levels grew, we received a call
that they had located the group by cell phone.
The only problem was that the friend’s mom failed to verify that our boys
were still with the group. They
were on their way home. At first
sight of the red-faced and soaking wet boys, I knew the feeling of this Father
in seeing the advancing younger son coming home, where all would be safe, all
would be warm and share a hot meal and bath before retiring to their own beds
for rest. This kind of peace and
joy is impossible to measure or to place a value on.
The Father wanted the elder son to share ‘the joy of the reunited family’
but he was not there yet!
In the
season of Lent, the lostness of the elder son at
home dealing with resentment is a spiritual issue for us, for our families and
for our church. How often have we
been so wedded to the desire to be good and virtuous, that we will not enter
into the joy of being at home with those that we feel are less worthy or not
properly connected in some way?
How often have we felt slighted, not thanked, not included, or not
honored and have let those feelings block our ‘ability to be’ in the family or
the moment or in the group.
When we
feel lost in resentment, what can we do?
One of the
things that we have found helpful is talking about those feelings.
Instead of acting on the feelings, talking with a pastor or a Stephen
Minister or a friend will often cause the power of those feelings to diminish
and we can begin to understand what we need to do.
As we acknowledge that we have resentment and why, it loses some of its
power over us. Having prayer
support by others as we go through such a time, reinforces our strength and
often allows us to feel very connected to the church.
If a Stephen Minister had been available to the elder son, they would
have come along side of him and helped him to express and name his feelings and
through prayer helped him to discern what God’s guidance was for him.
A second
thing that helps deal with resentment sometimes is to choose to be grateful. Be
grateful that someone thought enough about me that they came out and invited me
into the celebration. As we risk
joining the celebration, we look into the eyes of others and see that they value
us. We begin to realize that all
that we have is a gift and that we can share it with others with a generous
heart. It requires a leap of faith.
It requires that we trust God.
It means that we risk loving the prodigal without any guarantees of
getting things balanced. But each
time we risk trusting the love of the Father, we are amazed at how healing his
love is for each of us. It is in
sharing this love and the joy of having the family whole again, that we know joy
and peace that only God can give.
It may not come along the path that we assumed it would, but we know it when we
experience it.
Nouwen
writes, “…People who come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but
they choose not to live in it. They
claim the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the
darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness.
They point each other to flashes of light here and there, and remind each
other that they reveal the hidden but real presence of God.
We discover that we are people who heal each other’s wounds, forgive each
other’s offenses, share their possessions, foster the spirit of community,
celebrate the gifts they have received and live in constant anticipation of the
full manifestation of God's glory..."
We can
choose between cynicism and joy.
This is the work of the church in being the Body of Christ. It is the ministry
of reconciliation. It is our task
to help each other find the path to joyful living.
When we have a season of resentment, we help each other to work through
that so that we can re-enter the work of the Kingdom with a grateful and
joy-filled heart. Stephen Ministers
are persons who are trained to come along side of us during these seasons and
walk the path with us as a support, to pray with us and to listen to us.
Together we grow and move toward the Light through such times.
What did
the elder son do in response to the Father’s invitation?
The parable does not say. I
would hope that he, and we, would hear the words of acceptance and love of the
Father, who came to seek us out. He
has come to invite us home from our lostness just as
much as he has offered a new beginning to the prodigal.
The
question is whether we are willing to come into the light...to join the
celebration…to come HOME with the Father and our brother and sisters.